Celibacy and Chastity

”Lust is the craving for salt of a man who is dying of thirst.” – Frederick Buechner

Religion and sex make strange bedfellows (no pun intended). Most often, we see religion and sex intertwined in public discussion when some crusading tel-evangelist launches a rabid tirade protesting the intolerable offenses against God, country, and family found in the lyrics of a new raunchy rock song or a titillating television show. There are also those multiple “below the belt” issues like abortion, sex education, and homosexuality. Of course, we have the other side of the same coin when some investigative reporter decides to pursue and expose hypocrisy in holy places – exposing the successful tel-evangelist brought down by the powers of a seductress or a Puritanical preacher found to be involved with a member of his own congregation. Then, of course, we have the exposure of a number of Catholic priests who molested children. Such incidents make it a daunting task to discuss the morality of sexual issues – particularly in an era of post-sexual-revolution permissiveness and post-modern skepticism about all moral absolutes.

I find, however, that many people are actually seeking to regain a sense of control over their morality. There is a sense of hunger for sexual wholeness that distinguishes between love and lust. There is a lack of innocence that seems to tarnish young people before they become adults and can deal rationally with the issue.

Into this discussion, I throw the terms "celibacy" and "chastity". Please realize that both have very different meanings and are perceived, by many, to be the same thing. Celibacy is the word used by the Church to indicated a state, free of marriage and family requirements, and therefore free of any sexuality, that defines the projected status of a priest, nun, or monk. Chastity, on the other hand, is more of a sane application of sexuality within the bonds of marriage, "forsaking all others," "cleaving one to the other," etc. This is not a discussion of "marriage" - as I see the relationships of committed adults to be of equal value, regardless of their gender. When I use the term "marriage" here, it means any committed relationship between two people.

Of course, celibacy has many problems associated with “public relations” in today’s world and many people believe that anyone who attempts to live in a state of celibacy is asexual, sexually repressed, or sexually perverted. After all, why would a sane person voluntarily place restrictions on something as powerful as sex? Ironically, though, it’s just that power of sexuality that requires us to channel and cultivate it. Like a garden that quickly grows out of control without constant tending, sexuality needs constant care and direction. For me, Franciscan traditions hold a wealth of wisdom and knowledge that allow us to control and turn down the erotically charged voices of our culture and build a “sexual ethic” that combines a reverence for God, respect for our partner/spouse, and realism about the potential dangers of unrestrained sexuality.

Is there an answer?

Do the monks and mystics have something (anything) to say to us that can help us to pull out of this isolation, confusion, and turmoil? I think so. In contrast to the over-the-top sensuality/sexuality of the contemporary Western world, the monks have taught, for centuries, that celibacy, practiced correctly, does indeed have something valuable to say to the rest of us. For centuries, people following the Franciscan Way have committed themselves to three vows: poverty, obedience, and chastity. For the sake of discussion, chastity means making an active decision and effort to order our sexual lives around a higher moral purpose.

The right mushroom can taste great on a steak, but the wrong mushroom can kill you. Fire can warm a home or burn it to the ground. Electricity can light up a room or give you a jolting shock. Likewise, sex can be a source of joy or sorrow, pleasure or pain, deep intimacy or desperate loneliness, gentleness and vulnerability or violence and self-protection. Sex can heal us or hurt us, make us whole or devastate our psyches.

I have found that the secret to living out a vibrant, healthy, and spiritually directed sexuality involves three simple things:

Realizing that there are choices available to us;
Choosing to make the choice that is best for us – our age and state in life; and
Doing whatever it takes to ensure that we are faithful to those choices.

Since there are many choices, we each must make that choice appropriate for ourselves. While some are married, choosing to live faithfully to those vows is the most important virtue they can practice – and builds on the truest definition of chastity. Marriage is a unique relationship that places particular and special demands on us. Not using sexuality as a weapon or a means of control over their partner/spouse is critical. In keeping with the working definition of chastity here – keeping sexual issues “in perspective” – it is imperative that sexuality involved within the marriage be treated as a means of nurturing the relationship between the two people. Sexuality within marriage relies on sexual fidelity, sacrificial love, mutual respect, and lifelong commitment. It is when sexuality ventures away from that nurturing that it moves into that lost world that lacks control and perspective.

Celibacy, on the other hand, which basically means the entire renunciation of sexuality and marriage for the service of God, might seem like a lifestyle that is fine for priests, nuns, and monks, but of little real value to the “rest of us”. Admittedly, it isn’t for everyone. It is considered – in the history of the Church – as a gift for a relative few. But, even here, there is a lesson in the renunciation that can benefit us all. For Francis, like Jesus, celibacy was the only choice. He wanted to live as close as possible to the way Jesus lived. Jesus seems to have indicated that there is no marriage in heaven – that the marriage bonds established on earth are temporary, not eternal (i.e., “'til death do us part”). The only real eternal relationship is with God. Francis wanted to focus all of his energy on developing that eternal, and thereby deeper, relationship with God.

Most of the world’s religions have seen the use of celibacy for those who are studying or serving God. Choosing celibacy allows people the unique freedom to choose amongst so many other things – solitude, prayer, service – in their quest for a relationship with God. Celibacy provides a spiritual focus, a carefree abandon, a physical mobility that provides the opportunity to concentrate directly and entirely on God and His work.

Rules

The rules regarding sexuality in Franciscan communities are strict and clear – based on Francis’ unique insight into the sexual weaknesses into which we might all stray. His approach is based on the realization that we can never really be too sure of our abilities to resist sexual temptation. In preventing accidents, Francis suggested it is better to avoid the occasion of sin. For Francis, this meant a studious avoidance of potentially compromising situations with women. He never met with women alone. When talking with them in public, he made sure to avert his glance from their eyes, telling one friar that he didn’t even know what the women he talked to looked like. Of course, this is a bit extreme – and might even portray a little of the medieval superstition that women somehow have some “power” over men. But, what we can bring away from this image is the teaching that we can bring sexuality under the guidance of our spiritual ideals and the control of our wills.

Francis’ main lessons for us are:

(1) Cherish your sexuality and be aware of how important it is in your personality and life.

(2) Receive your sexuality as a gift from God, but don’t over-value it and don’t under-value it.

(3) Allow sex to help you build a loving and intimate relationship rather than as a cause for tension or jealousy.

(4) Use sex in an “appropriate” way, in a holy way, in a way that respects God and others.

(5) Don’t allow yourself to be conceited about your ability to resist whatever temptations come your way. Instead, set sane limits on yourself and live within them.

(6) If you are married, set limits for yourself and your partner/spouse that you both can agree on and that increase your level of trust and intimacy.

(7) Don’t turn your back on time-tested truths.

Creativity

”We live in a time when man believes himself fabulously capable of creation but he does not know what to create.” – Jose Ortega Y Gasset

Monks have always been given a bad rap. Indeed, my daughter recently mentioned "Monks are weird." People assume that they live lives of darkness, dreariness, and drudgery, praying all day, fasting most of the week, and enduring long periods of imposed silence. This common misperception is carried into the modern world where folks believe that for someone to be really, really religious means that they are also really, really boring. Afterall, isn’t the monk’s day (and so many other faithful people’s day) filled with prayers, rituals, and manual labor that crowd out all time for enjoying life? And… by the way, doesn’t religion somehow teach that it’s sinful to enjoy life?

Actually, this perception of the life of a monk is really a MISconception. Monasteries have long been cradles of creativity and scholarship. In fact, during the Middle Ages, monks were the ones who kept the creativity of western civilization alive! Francis, however, was exceptional even amongst those folks. He was captured (actually enraptured) by the splendor and loveliness of the created world. He was an ardent admirer of the goodness he seemed to find everywhere - the sky, the forest, the fields, even in caves. His life became a seamless garment of praise for the Creator and joy in the beauty of the Created.

Too many people today think that the world is divided into two basic groups: the creative people (usually wealthy and attractive people who perform music, make blockbuster movies, paint masterpieces, or own major interests in financially successful institutions), and “the rest of us”.

Creativity, though, started with God, who made the entire universe out of basically nothing, populated it with a dizzying array of plants and animals, and chose to finish it off by producing the first humans. We need not get into the specifics of the “Creation Story”, but we can see from a casual reading of the opening chapter of Genesis that God chose to reveal something quite unique with His creation of humanity:

“God created man in his own image,
in the image of God He created him;
male and female He created them.”

Unlike the animals and the plants, which also contain and bear witness to God’s graces, humans are created in God’s very image. And part of what that means is that we, too, share in and live through a unique spark of God’s divine, creative spark. Unfortunately, though, so many people don’t view themselves as “creative” beings. In part, this is due to churches that have told people to live within very strict guidelines and rules of conduct, parents and teachers who smother a child’s creativity by telling them to “grow up and get real”, and an educational process (especially here in the United States) that focuses on churning out mass production of graduates who can make a living instead of “daydreaming” or “fantasizing” about being artists. It is no surprise, then, that, after a lifetime of such constant input and overwhelming control, many people simply see themselves as not creative. We develop a sense of believing that creative people are always the other people, those who get paid for making music, art, and literature.

A recent book on human creativity is called The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron – a teacher who conducts seminars on unleashing creativity from the strictures of modern life. She refers to God as “the Great Creator” and instructs that the secret of unleashing the creative spirit in humans lies in their “experience of the mystical union” with God Himself. As she says:

“Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.”

In some ways, I think of God as the “Master Musician”. We are His instruments. He gently plucks our strings or fills our lungs to make harmonious music for all of creation to hear.

Through those controlling strictures of society that have crushed our creative natures, we have lost contact with God the Creator. This separation has led into several “mine fields” that have caused greater social evils: racism, sectarianism, militarism, and environmental degradation. If we concentrate on returning to God, I believe we can still create ways that alter the outcome of this pattern.

There was a friar in one of Francis’ first communities that came to him at Mount La Verna to ask for help. He was troubled by some temptation or dejection that was beyond his own strength to resist, and he wanted to resist the evil. Francis told him to bring some paper so that he could write down the “words of the Lord” on which he had been meditating and which had touched his heart. Francis scribbled out thirty four lines of verse that describe the various aspects of God’s character, including:

You are love,
You are wisdom.

You are humility,
You are endurance.

You are rest,
You are peace.

You are joy and gladness,
You are justice and moderation.

You are all our riches,
And You suffice for us.

This short list worked like a prescription to cure the friar’s moral dilemma. What does this episode teach us? I believe it demonstrates that good art (or simply a creative expression of care for the individual – in this case the other friar) can heal us and revive us spiritually. Our God-given creativity can help us see God Himself. One of the clearest examples of this kind of spiritual art are the number of icons, the painted representations of Jesus and the saints, that are used in churches and homes, acting as “windows” into the eternal truths that often escape our attention as we rush through life. In a similar way, I hope that the words and melodies that we sing in church help the parishioners find a doorway or window into the world of God.

For Francis, creativity was both a natural response to God’s amazing grace and an opportunity to share that grace with others. I believe that every creative medium (music, paint, clay, etc) can be used for good or for ill. I can use the telephone to call someone and make their lives miserable or yell obscenities in their ears. I can also use it to call someone and provide a warm message of encouragement and love. All of our God-given talents can be used for positive ends or negative ends.

I’m continually amazed at how little true goodness there is in the so-called “art” world. I count amongst that “art” world the music industry, television, movies, magazines, and even the news media (TV and paper). Stereos, radios, televisions, magazines, and newspapers are constantly in our lives – no matter where we go. It is now difficult to have a meal in a restaurant without having the constant barrage of either mundane television broadcasting or sports programming. Mass-produced entertainment is everywhere: in our homes (TV screens on the refrigerator door?), our cars (DVDs and CDs as well as radio), our offices (internet mail and news updates), public elevators (Muzak), and even in public restrooms! But, with even so much mass-produced “culture” surrounding us, it seems strange that there is so little of it that offers anything of any real, true, or lasting beauty. We’re engulfed in a non-stop barrage of technically proficient, well-produced, and expertly marketed entertainment, but so little of it uplifts out souls. In fact, much of popular culture seems to glorify banality, ugliness, and violence. What a mess we have made of this beautiful gift from God, using our “creativity” in such vile and uninteresting ways. Instead of healing and blessing, so much of this “art” truly tears us down and wears us out.

So… What IS Creativity?

Many people see creativity as the result of some sudden and irresistible burst of imagination. Indeed, the sculptor Michaelangelo described the process of creativity in such terms, indicating that God had put an image into the stone and that the sculptor’s job was to uncover it and to release it from captivity. But, this is obviously a bit false. I could sit for years, chinking away at a block of stone without creating anything in the stone but the destruction of the chips that lay at my feet. That is because creativity is much more than simple inspiration. It is a matter also of hard work, education/learning, and disciplined practice.

Some people also describe creativity in terms of the end product of some kind of divine or miraculous intervention. Miracles DO happen, but often there is some sort of preparation. Even the miracle of Jesus, turning the water into wine at Cana, required the hard work of dozens of servants who had filled the jars with water, carried them to the wedding banquet site, and had made them available. Of course this is not to say that Jesus could not just have easily created the jugs, water, and the wine.

Are We Creative?

Are we exercising our God-given creativity? How do we take the raw materials of our world and create something creative and glorious? Of course, there are all sorts of reasons why many of us are creatively blocked. We can work on that. But, too many of us will fail to realize our God-given potential because we listen to those voices and societal strictures that I mentioned earlier that tell us that the creative folks are always someone else! Instead, we could think of new ways to see things and say things. We could add a little spice to even the most mundane forms of communication. I have seen folks add emot-icons (emotional icons or “smiley” faces) and graphics in their emails. I have added graphics to reports and documents for my clients. I find working in my extensive garden as a release for my creative passions. I also find it interesting to create new ways to spend my periods of “rest and relaxation”.

Since God created us in His image, there are an infinite number of ways for us to create. We can begin by doing everything we can to make our surroundings more beautiful. We can fill a room with flowers or put a fresh vase of flowers on the table for dinner. We can add a chair rail around a room and change the paint color of the room to either "update" the look or make it appear more spontaneous. We can excite our senses by turning off the lights and lighting a few candles – filling the room with a different aroma and noticing the different colors and patterns on the wall. We can excite our ears by turning off the television and listening to a CD of Gregorian chant or some other non-typical (meaning that you don't listen to it in your normal day-to-day experience) music. While we may not understand the Latin of Gregorian chant, the sounds of the music and the emotions expressed can still speak directly to our soul.

A major key to our creativity is that we are not doing this for the applause of others. Our primary audience is God and ourselves. Don’t worry about what other people will think or say. Don’t let other people’s criticism stop you. If praise comes from another human, accept it graciously, allow it to feed your natural spirit, but don’t allow it to turn you toward creating something for "pedestrian" review. Turn off the television and turn on your creativity. Excite your inner artist!

"Men are like trees; each one must put forth the leaf that is created in him.” – Henry Ward Beecher